end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
