I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
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You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
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I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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