just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
