Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
