well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
