I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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