she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
