Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
