Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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