quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Cover your peen. We're going out.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
