things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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