if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
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Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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