Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
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