Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
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She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
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I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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