Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
