I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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