That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
