I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Pants are for mortals
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
