forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
