Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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