u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
