I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
