I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
