I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
