I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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