and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Boobs speak an international language.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
