I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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