I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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