my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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