:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
