Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Girls should come with a carfax report
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
