And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
