Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
