If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
