$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
