living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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