i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize