You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
There's always time for handjobs
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize