Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
