You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
