see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
