2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
