No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
