so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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