But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
