Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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