apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
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I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
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Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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