you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
