If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
