He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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