Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
