Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
