Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
