Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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