so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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