what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
