This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
