I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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