I cockslap morals
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
