The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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