I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize