I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
