Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
