Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
