i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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