If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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