we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
